Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I am not Diane Wakoski

And thank God for that. Nothing against Diane Wakoski - after all, she has achieved much more success in the realm of poetry than I have (but she's been around longer, so...). Enough success and notoriety, in fact, to have poems from crazy people sent to her via mail at work. Or where crazy people with barely legible handwriting think she works. Note to G.C. in San Francisco: Michigan State University is in East Lansing, not Ann Arbor. Which is why I got your crazy bat shit poem about worms and nylons and mentral blood and wacking off. Nice work. I hope you're seeing somebody. In the mental health field, I mean.

It's a shame you sent me what I assume is your original since it's handwritten on white copy paper. The poem itself is quite legible, so why didn't you use those same handwriting skills on the outside of the envelope? Had you done so, I might never have been subjected to your poem. I also wouldn't have also thought it was for me and neither would the UofM mailroom. But hey, I've had people misspell my name as Diane before and have had folks get my last name wrong, too (even some of my students and it's right there on the syllabus). And so I opened it, read it, put it back in the envelope and went to wash my hands in hot water.

Not only was your handwriting a problem, but the pages of your poem are dirty. Not just the content, but the pages themselves are marred with actual, physical filth. This, combined with the actual execution of your poem, displays a rather blatant lack of respect for Ms. Wakoski. And so although the front of the envelope says, "Please forward if necessary," I won't be doing so. Sorry, dude. Next time you want something to get to the "Awful Writing Dept." at "Michigan Hale University" in Ann Arbor, please use the same clear, block printing you use for your creative work so it never ends up in my mailbox again.


ez said...

so glad i'm not that guy right now!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Aren't you the lucky one...