Stop believin' -- or don't

Poetic vinyl wall decor courtesy Regretsy.

The unspeakable acts of Chimp and Frog

So apparently there exists a video on YouTube of a chimp and a frog engaged in unspeakable acts. You can Google it if you want. I'll pass. The artwork said video has inspired is enough for me.

I'd like to buy a vow

"You'd like personal, unique words to say but you are pressed for time and unsure of your skill with language."

Monchichi mongrel

Lance Bass and a Monchichi walk into a bar...

More monkey crap

Don't you just want to wuv it and wuv it an wuv it?

Poetry from God

From God's mouth to this woman's ears to her fingers to her computer to a bunch of files burned on disc that you can buy with cash dollars.

From Regretsy, of course.

Bald ape for the cure

From the Regretsy Facebook page:

"Hi Helen, I'm sure you're inundated with crap and "oh please help me" emails on a daily basis so I'll make this short. I'm auctioning a handmade item of mine on eBay for the charity St. Baldrick's. They are the children's cancer research foundation where people get together and shave their heads to raise money. Well, due to work restrictions I cannot shave my head but I can auction off a bald ape for the cause. I'm including a link to the auction. I understand if you are unable to forward/post the link anywhere. I'm just reaching out to all I can to get the word out. Have a yaktastic day!~Amy"

Now go bid. My birthday is in less than a month.

NASCAR fan poetry

We need NASCAR poetry, yes we do. We need NASCAR poetry, how 'bout you?

From the book description:

"These re-caps of the 2007 NASCAR NEXTEL CUP points races are written unlike anything you have experienced before! They are not your average, mundane race re-caps, but are done in a lyrical rhyme style, and are not only entertaining and humorous, but every detail is historically accurate."

Hey, that's more than most poets can claim.

Via Regretsy.

Scratch monkey fever

Monkey notecards brought to you by Regretsy. Honestly this doesn't really belong on Regretsy, except for the very poorly written description.

Going ape for hoots

Regretsy brings us another horrifying monkey today.

I really do not want to know about the personal life of anyone who would buy this. Or paint it. Or announce to the world that he painted it by offering it for sale.

Also, I am really glad this isn't the primate I got for Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, Regretsy featured some pretty awesome Santa poetry on the 23rd.

"[Black] monkey, that [hand sewn monkey]..."

This is a "LARGe Hand Sewn Original cashmere BLACK monkey" available for you to buy with 85 cash dollars on Etsy. To me, wearing a cashmere sweater has always felt like wearing a sweater made out of cat hair (I'm allergic to cats). So I guess, by extension, this is a monkey made out of cat hair. No wonder he is so sad.

Another scary primate doll brought to you via Regretsy.

"Craft" and "crap" share a lot of the same letters

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I'm talking laugh so hard you almost start crying and for a second think you might throw up and then wonder whether or not you're actually laughing or having a psychotic episode. Regretsy is a compilation of terrible handmade goods and art offered for sale on Etsy.com alongside hilarious commentary. Keep in mind, I like Etsy very much, but I am in love with Regretsy.

And what do you know, I found poetry and monkeys. There's the Michael Jackson sock monkey, blue jeans with verse written on the inside so you're never without reading material in the john, and a couple of other items that reference poetry in the commentary.

Searching for other monkey and poetry related Etsy tragedies to submit to Regretsy should keep me busy for quite awhile.