This monkey is being kind of a dick to this dog

I know I don't update this much, but this is some quality content right here.

Gibbon vs. Dog from B. Leon (Singhto) Ponsart on Vimeo.

Via Videogum.

Poetry is moving

We should all be so lucky to look this good and be this self-confident when we're 100 years old. But self-confidence doesn't automatically translate into self-awareness. Or good poetry. Or clothes, for that matter.



I wish there was a "behind the scenes" video to accompany this. Because, seriously, what is she swinging on? There's very little camera shake and the camera seems to be moving with her. I don't know. A tire swing? A stripper pole? Or is she just floating on a cloud held up by fairies and wood sprites?

Via your mom Videogum.

Also via your step-mom Slog.

Gorilla rugby hunk

A rather awesome photos posted in the comments section on Videogum. I've never understood rugby, which is why it makes sense to hand the game over to gorillas.

Primates and friends

On Videogum there's a post about Roman Polanski and new sexual abuse allegations against him. In the comment thread there are many pictures of adorable animal odd couples. The title of the post is, after all, "New Sexual Abuse Allegations Against Roman Polanski Surface Or Pet Worlds Colliding" lets people choose whether they want to focus on cute animals or child rape. Several commentators used photos featuring primates. So I have rounded those up and included them with links to their origin. You are welcome.

Daniel "Poet Man" Songer

He had a dream of a show called The Dan Poet Man Show. And for some reason that didn't work out.

Via Videogum.

"Poem-words" for Jesus

Christ, Christ baby, too cold too cold...



From Videogum, of course.

The fiction writing workshop of your dreams

How about we kick of National Poetry Month with a little satirical fiction via Videogum?

A little background, Videogum has lampooned (does anyone really use that word anymore?) both Nicholas Sparks and James Franco recently. And now they've been pared with the kid from Finding Forrester (a movie I have never seen and would probably hate) in a writing workshop. It's pretty brilliant. And it does mention monkeys, which is half the battle.

Kristie Alley: freeform Twitter poet

Gabe, Videogum's super comic genius and fan fiction fan extraordinaire, has penned a story called "Kristie Alley Does A Poetry Reading."

"I am not related to apes"

In which a child raves about Evolution from the pulpit of some kind of Spanish mega-church. Either that or he's the opening act for a Juanes concert.

Most eye opening point he makes: "A male ape and a female ape can only have little apes up to this day." Meaning, I think -- and I am not a scientist like this young man -- a male ape and a male ape and/or a female ape and a female ape can have only big apes up to this day. Which seems evolutionarily preferable. Which is why it's bad.



Not everyone agrees that this kid is an expert about the birds and the bees and the apes.

"I'm pretty sure proponents of evolution stopped using "babies aren't created by God, they are delivered by storks" as an argument against creationism a long time ago. And by a long time ago I mean forever ago. Because that was never a thing. "Have you read Darwin's On the Origin of Magic Monkey Stork Babies?" Know your enemy, crazy little man!"
- Gabe Delahaye, Videogum Senior Editor, baby hater.

Good things come to those who wait for things to come to them

So a TV show called Conveyor Belt of Love actually exists. And on this show a dude with a slight speech impediment reads a really terrible poem he wrote to try to pick up chicks on national television. In the poem he mentions a kiss to the frontal lobe, which, if you think about it (ha!) is some really freaky Silence of the Lambs-type shit.

Videogum has the clip.

Origins of the Species bonus track edition

I don't know what took me so long to post this. There is no excuse. Darwin=monkeys, obviously.



Via Videogum.

Beowulf: worst movie of all time?

Videogum's Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time continues with Beowulf:

"I have never read Beowulf. I own a recent paperback translation (w/ explanatory footnotes) by Howell D. Chickering, Jr. but owning is not the same as reading. For one thing, I don't even like regular poetry, much less epic Olde English poetry of unknown origin. But mostly I am just lazy. Every single day I have to make a decision between reading Beowulf or doing any of a hundred other things, and I know I probably sound insane, but somehow those hundred other things keep winning!

That being said, you don't have to be a corduroy-blazer-with-leather-arm-patch-wearing Beowulf scholar to recognize that a feature-length computer animated action-adventure adaptation starring Angelina Jolie is a fucking terrible idea."

Read the whole thing.

Le Divorce le sucks

It is no secret that I love Videogum and one of my favorite features is The Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time in which Gabe Delahaye lambasts truly terrible movies. Here's how he describes it: "After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey." I have seen very few of the movies on this list, and after reading about each one I am so, so thankful for that. Also after reading I have laughed out loud at least once (on average) and am thankful for that, too.

The latest Hunt movie is Le Divorce and one of the main characters in the movie, played Naomi Watts, is a poet. I know the movie is based on the book, but I have never seen the movie or read the book. I have seen the book, however, as it was in my house for quite some time after my wife read it and, for reasons I don't fully understand, didn't see the need to part ways with it immediately.

In all honesty, Le Divorce isn't the best of Gabe's Hunt rants. But it is still good. Like when he writes in summation, "I don't particularly care about the lives of unsuccessful poets who don't need to be successful, or the sexual dalliances of their emotionally retarded (that might be Kate Hudson though, and not the character), equally unambitious siblings."