Video game wagon

Q: Do I want to play video games on my computer?
A: Not really.
Q: What if the video game was based on the music of REO Speedwagon?
A: That would change my answer to a maybe.
Q: What if that game used primarily very recent REO Speedwagon songs?
A: Please see my original answer.

But hey, I'm not the target audience for Find Your Own Way Home, the new REO Speedwagon video game.

Here's how the game's distributor describes it:

"In Find Your Own Way Home, the player takes the role of Ruby, a hip Hollywood reporter for the entertainment television program, Entertainment Now. For the past few weeks, Ruby has been on assignment with the legendary rock band, REO Speedwagon. On the day the game takes place, the band is releasing their new CD at a star-studded album release party. Ruby is on assignment for Entertainment Now, and as her busy day is unfolding, as she prepares for the nightly broadcast and launch party, Kevin Cronin, the band’s leader, goes missing. The player has the chance to be the hero by tracking down clues to locate the missing star, and getting everyone to the party on time."

Okay, first of all, who does Ruby work for? Why would any TV program that's not being made in the 1970s or 80s want several weeks worth of REO Speedwagon footage? As for the "star-studded album release party," I suspect the "stars" are likely of the Bruce Hall, Neal Doughty, Dave Amato and Bryan Hitt variety. Also, did you know Kevin Cronin's name? You did not know Kevin Cronin's name. Also, can you tell from looking at a picture of him that Kevin Cronin is not, in fact, an old lesbian? You cannot tell from looking at a picture of him that Kevin Cronin is not, in fact, an old lesbian.

I discovered this amazing game via Slog. Here's what The Stranger Testing Department (a.k.a. Rob Lightner and Paul Hughes) has to say about it: "Make no mistake: People will pay money for this. Find Your Own Way Home is like a poem about a dead pet waiting for you just outside Heaven—it means something to someone, even if what it means is stupid."

And you can't fight that feeling.